Crunchy & Good With Ketchup
by fehpshaw8
Summary: Two regular schmoes get hurled into Azeroth, sans combat training or common sense. Azeroth depicted more realistically.
1. Cry More N00bz

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Maria and Holly. The wonderfully creative people behind the Warcraft Universe, Blizzard, are to be thanked for the escapist hatch they've created.

Author's Note: Set in the World of Warcraft Universe. Yes, the first chapter is long. I wanted to give the feeling of two regular schmoes and a little character depth beforehand. The story itself is more of exploring Azeroth from a more realistic standpoint. For instance, I am of the steadfast opinion that Auberdine would smell of fish. Also, riding a griffin would probably be on my "oh God no" list of things to do. So if you, without an ounce of combat training, were dumped in a fictional world with large, carniverous beasties lurking about (and sometimes not bothering to lurk), what would you do? Yes, exactly. Maria and Holly will be doing quite a bit of running and hiding, when not savoring the lifestyle Azeroth has to offer.

Reviews and concrit devoured!

"Crunchy & Good with Ketchup"

The silence in the truck was tangible. Holly felt responsible somehow, as though it was her duty to keep conversation flowing between her passenger and herself. She looked over at the other girl and began, "So how's that class going? Er, the one with the paint and all that?"

Maria's eyes flashed in the darkness. "Don't you dare patronize me," She hissed. "And it's Charcoal Sketching."

Holly swept a sidelong glance Maria's way. "Hey, I'm not the bad guy here. I'm giving you a ride home."

"Only because your mother asked you to."

She adjusted her hands on the wheel and thought about how she should answer that. "Yes, but I probably would have done it anyway. I mean, come on, you're my roommate. Contrary to what you may think, I don't hate you or have any particular desire to see you strung up or turn to Jesus or anything. Look, if you're so uptight about religion, why'd you go to a private religious university? I don't want to convert you, I'm just curious."

"So you don't have to see me in church?"

Holly laughed. Seeing Maria in a holy place of any sort, draped in her odd Bohemian clothing, would have been quite a sight. "I wouldn't know. I don't go much myself."

"Not a Christian? Who'd have thought?" Maria snorted derisively. "Surprised they haven't strung you up, then."

"I didn't say I wasn't a Christian. I just don't go to church. I'm probably more unaffiliated than anything else. And honest to God, you'd make things a lot easier on yourself if you'd just fit in. It's not that big a concession to wear a pair of blue jeans and a T-shirt." As an after thought, she added, "And to take off those hippie clothes."

"That's what's wrong with this place. I hate the South. Up North, individuality is appreciated"-

"But you're not up North; you're in the Bible Belt South. That may suck, but that's the way it is. It's a Catholic university we attend, not NYU. I know it's hard to believe since we don't see fresh-faced young boys being molested in front of the chapel, but I swear it really is."

"Alter boys?" Maria laughed. "Where the hell did you come up with that? Maybe you aren't horrendous."

"I'm not only clever at times; I don't listen to country music, either. Unless it's the Dixie Chicks, and that hardly counts."

"I saw you two-stepping once."

"We're in the South. I was born here, of course I know how to two-step. I could teach you," she added with a shrug.

"You would dance with a girl? Pshaw."

"With my grandmother every Christmas. You're lighter than she is; when you step on my feet I probably won't need a splint. I figure the deviance of dancing with another girl would overcome the horror of the two-step for you."

"Maybe," Maria allowed.

"But get rid of that ridiculous clothing. It really does look silly."

"Now? You trying to get me naked?" Maria cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh, well, only if you're offering," Holly drawled sarcastically. "Don't throw yourself at me, Maria, it's fruitless. I'll only break your heart. Largely because I am of the hetero persuasian."

"You use words with more than one syllable."

Holly laughed again. "I can spell my own name, too, and have most of my colors and shapes down pat. Maria, what the hell do you think this is? Not everybody here is a toothless redneck. You're not gonna hear the 'Deliverance' banjos striking up here. Why you bothered transferring to this school is beyond me."

"Yeah, I"- Maria cut herself off as her body shuddered, as if from a sudden chill. "What was that?"

"What was-holy shit-my truck"- Holly pressed the brake, only to find that she could well press it to the floorboards without any sort of change. "What the fuck is"- Her eyes flicked to the dash-the digital readouts were utterly blank. Ahead of the out of control truck was thick blackness, no headlights to illuminate the path. She turned the wheel slightly and pumped the brake to no avail. She had heard of cars shutting down utterly, but had never encountered it herself. Holly grit her teeth against Maria's shrieking and pulled the handbrake. The truck fell into a spin and she could hear debris being flung up around them in the mad whirling. The unmistakable sound of crunching metal could be heard and the occupants were thrown forward as the bed of the truck clipped a tree. Their seatbelts yanked them back cruelly, the material constricting their chests. Holly felt her head swing to the side with the truck's motions and connect solidly with the doorframe. Almost immediately she felt a warm stream running along the side of her face, fanning into her left eye and obscuring her vision.

And it was over.

Holly released a shuddering breath, rubbed her clouded eye, and ignored Maria's hysterical sobbing. She could hear the rush of air from one of the tires and the chirping of crickets in the surrounding forest. Her fingers tried for the belt release, but it seemed stuck. She opened the center console, felt around, and withdrew a hunting knife that she had meant to return to her uncle. The sheathing came away from the blade and she held the strap away from her chest, using the serrated edge to free herself.

"Maria? You okay?" Holly chanced a look at the other girl, wincing as her neck gave evidence of whiplash.

"I think so. My neck hurts like hell. What happened? What the fuck was that?" Her eyes were wide and staring, hands pressed against her cheeks and drawing furrows.

"Sounds like whiplash, don't turn too quickly. The truck? I dunno; it just shut down…never had a problem with a Chevy before. Can you move? We need to get out of here."

"My seat belt"- Holly heard the furious struggles as Maria tried to release the catch. "It's stuck."

"So was mine. Here, stay still." Holly cut Maria free and replaced the blade in its leather casing. She tried the door, which seemed caved in slightly and resolutely stuck. She put her feet to it and pressed, feeling it jolt open. "Can you get out of your side?"

Holly heard the creak of protesting metal and Maria's assertion that yes, she could.

"Okay. Good." Holly let herself out of the truck and into the open air. With no light source the black of night pressed in, only broken by an occasional lightning bug. She circled to the front of the pickup to assess the damage and groaned. "_Jes-_us", she muttered. The driver's side was hopeless. The door and front quarter had hit something dead on and she felt lucky to have her appendages still attached. It didn't look salvageable but there did not seem to be any fluid loss when she bent to check under the car.

As she rounded to check the passenger side Maria gasped. "Oh my God, Holly, have you seen yourself?" She rushed forward and appeared to be quite concerned with Holly's forehead.

"What? What, is it bad? Jesus, what?" She put her hand to her temple and felt it come away sticky. "How bad is it?"

"I need more light, but you're bleeding like a stuck pig. _Oh my God_, you need a doctor. That needs _stitches_. Oh my God, oh my God, Holly, _what the fuck_!" Maria exclaimed.

"Forget that, look at my truck! Do you have any idea how much I still owe on it? Sunovabitch! Son of a _bitch_! I'll never get a decent resale on it now that it's been in an accident. It's totaled," she announced, feeling slightly nauseous. She looked hopelessly on at the bed of the truck. The impact with what she guessed was a tree had all but torn away the bed. Jagged bits of metal nearly blended into the darkness. "I cannot _believe_ this," she muttered furiously. "It just shut down, cars don't just shut down, and I'm suing those _whores_ at the dealership, swear to God."

"Forget about the goddamned truck, you're fucked up, Holly. You're bleeding all over the place, look! It's getting everywhere."

"Good, remember that so when I go to court I can get pain and suffering, too. You saw it all, right? It just shut down, all of the sudden the headlights went out and it just shut down. I couldn't even steer, brake, whatever! We could've been killed. I am never buying American again, Jap cars from now on I swear." She went to the pickup again, climbed into the backseat, and emerged with two boxy shapes. She opened one and shuffled through it. She doused the roll of paper towels with hydrogen peroxide and called Maria over. "Clean up as much as you can with this," she thrust a few dry cloths into her hand, "and then mop up the cut with this," she indicated the sopping roll.

In a few moments Maria stopped. "It's done, but it's nasty. You really, really need stitches. It's still bleeding."

"How big is it? Is it deep?"

"Here." Maria's fingers marked on the other girl's forehead. "Yay big," she said, indicating by spreading her thumb and forefinger apart about five inches. "I think I can see bone, but it's hard to tell through all the blood."

"It doesn't hurt, at least, and I'm not dizzy. Thanks. What about you? I can't see anything, but do you feel anything cold or numb or too warm? Anything wet?"

Maria patted her hands over herself in a cursory check. "No, I feel okay, just the whiplash."

Holly nodded. "Good." She drew her cell phone from her pocket and flipped it open. "There's a flashlight in the other box. Kick it open and go through it, see if there's anything we could use."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, use your imagination. You might want to take a couple aspirin out of the first aid kit, though. Your neck's gonna get stiff pretty soon. There's a bottle of water in the backseat somewhere." Holly winced as her own gave a warning twang. "Hand me a couple while you're at it." Whiplash was a bitch. "You're fucking kidding me," she snarled.

"Now what?" Maria asked, alarmed.

"My cell phone's dead. I had a full battery when we left." She pressed the power button again. "It's not even flickering. Usually it starts up even when it's damn near drained. Do you have one?"

"What? Yeah, I think so. Gimme a minute." Maria went back to the car and came back scrabbling through her purse. "Got it." She frowned. "It's not broken, but-you're not going to believe this-I think the battery's dead."

"No. No fucking way. Mind if I see it?" Holly took the proffered phone and pressed the power button on it. "Oh, no, no, can't we catch a break tonight? Did I run over someone's kid or something? This kind of bullshit karma doesn't just happen."

"Holly…"

"Hold on."

"Holly."

"Maybe they got busted up in the wreck or"-

"**_Holly_**."

Maria's tone made her look up. "Yes?"

"We were on IH 74, right?"

"Yeah, goes past the park straight through downtown. I think we're five miles away from Pruitt Park, maybe fifteen miles outside of town"-

"No, I mean, where's the road?"

"What are you talking about? It's got to be right"- Holly stopped herself abruptly. Without a word she knelt down and pawed through the road kit, withdrawing a flashlight. Her expression did not change as she attempted to flick it on, only to find that it, too, did not work. "Bullshit." She snagged the extra batteries from the box and replaced the old with them. Still, the flashlight sat dark and defiant. With measured patience and lips set into a flat line, Holly set the flashlight back into its original place and stood up, stalking round the car. For a moment she disappeared into the shadows and then, face still expressionless, she came back to Maria's side. "Something is seriously off the fucking map here," she said softly. She stretched for the hood of the truck and took the hunting knife back, clipping it to her belt. "Okay." She seemed to be preparing herself for something. "Okay, Maria, let's just sit down for a minute. I think-I think I must have really hit my head in that crash-there was a crash, right?"

Maria looked at her as if she was insane. "Uh, hello, yes. Remember? The car shut down and you popped the brake. And you did hit your head-it's still bleeding, here." She took up the now-pink roll of paper towels and dabbed at the slice. "So say whatever you're going to say, all right? Then we start walking."

"Okay. Okay, look, this is nuts. Stark raving nuts." She walked away from Maria again, eyes intently focused on the ground. "Look here, see? Follow me on this. We spun out here"- she pointed at the broken grass and muddy patches where the tires had obviously cut into the ground, "-and we were driving before that, see, here," she trailed the flattened but otherwise unmolested grass a ways, "before I hit the handbrake. But where are the rest of the tracks? It looks like we went off the road when the headlights went out, right? Our tracks stop right here. And this is what gets me-see how muddy it is? But we've had a burn ban for a month now. We couldn't set up a campfire last time we went to Dogenes Park. It's spring but with no rain for over a month, and this isn't irrigated farming land. How did this dirt get muddy?"

Maria considered the grass. Holly was right, but that was crazy. The grass near the car was flattened or mauled by the wheels, and there was a straight line of tire tracks-flattened grass-to one point. "My mom was talking about that. She was pissed that she couldn't water the lawn. She talked about that on the phone yesterday. The ground was all cracked. And…did we bounce or something?"

"No, no way we did. I'd have felt that. Besides, where'd we come off the road? No road." Holly felt along the slice that descended from her hairline to the middle of her cheek. It still bled merrily, but it was not her main concern at the moment. "The road," she repeated thoughtfully, "We couldn't have just appeared here, what happened to the road?"

Maria bit her lip and scraped off some of her dark plum lipstick with her teeth. "Maybe we did."

Holly cocked an eyebrow. "I'm the one who bashed her head."

"Seriously, Holly, when we were driving, like, a nanosecond before the car shut down I felt this…don't you remember? I said 'what was that'. It was this…I don't know…like I passed something."

"Passed something? What, like a kidney stone?"

"Oh my God, yes, Holly a _kidney stone_," she said scathingly. "Of course not. I felt like…I don't know, if you didn't feel it, I can't describe it to you. Like a barrier. Like we passed a barrier and left our world."

Holly stared at her for a moment. "And you know this because you've passed through the barrier so many times before, making it readily identifiable. Man, Maria, when we get back to town, you are gonna feel like such an asshole. I mean, come on and listen to that. Look, maybe we really did take a big bounce off the road or something. Let's go back to the truck, grab some of our stuff, and get to walking. Pruitt Park can only be about five miles or so from here. We'll call a tow truck, get my head stitched up, and have a couple of beers to relax. It'll be a great story. And it'll end well, too, because in a year or so, when Chevrolet gives me a fat payout after my truck shut down while driving, I'll be fucking rich." She considered. "You, too. I think you look traumatized, and that whiplash will haunt you for the rest of your life. In fact, I'll bet you're going to have nightmares and have trouble sleeping, and blah blah blah, whatever the lawyers want to hear." Her face split into a grin.

"Sure," Maria said doubtfully. "Okay."

"Come on, you should be happy. This is great. All we have to do is get back to the park and get to a phone. Everyone will like you after this; it's such a cool story."

"If we ever get back to town," sighed Maria.

"It's only five miles! I've been hunting a lot further into properties than that. It's only…" Holly checked her watch. "Oh, man, this is broken too. The second hand stopped ticking. Well, we left the dorms at eleven, right? We were driving maybe thirty minutes, and we've been hanging out here for probably twenty or thirty. It's either midnight or damn close, maybe past a little. Mine stopped at eleven forty-six. Come on, let's start out. I'm in no mood to hang out in the woods like we're in some kind of horror movie."

Holly began the short walk back to the truck but stopped when she realized Maria was not following. "What?"

Maria pointed to her own watch. "Mine stopped too."

Holly paused. "O-kay…well, no big deal, right? Come on."

"Holly, I don't think this is sinking in. Right after we passed that barrier your truck stopped working. It didn't frieze up, it didn't lock up; it just stopped. It's new, too, not like it's really old or anything. Our cell phones don't work, and I know for sure I charged mine up this morning. Even when you put new batteries in it, your flashlight didn't work. Our watches stopped about the time the truck went. I just _know_ they stopped at the same time. Hello? No road where there should be road, muddy ground when it should be dry! Holly, we are off the map, just like you said." Maria shook her head, eyes wild. "And denying it is not going to help us, so stop it."

"I have no idea how to answer that, except that shit like that doesn't happen. Perhaps you should stop with the drugs. And also the fantasy novels. You really do play too much of that dweeb game. What is it? Warcraft?"

"Whatever," huffed Maria, stalking after Holly.

Holly had gone back to the truck and retrieved a hiking pack. "Bring me the kits, will you? We might need them if we ended up in Narnia."

"Shut up."

"Okay, okay. Seriously, though, don't freak out. A couple of hours from now and we'll be laughing at this."

"I hope so," returned Maria noncommittally.

Holly began transferring items to the bigger pack. "Think we'll need swords? Ah, motherfucker, I haven't got any. However will we slay the dragon?"

"Oh my God, will you please shut your fucking mouth? Stop being such a bitch. I cannot _wait_ to get home tonight."

"Lighten up, Maria, I'm poking fun. You know, like a human being. Jeez. Okay, check it out; I've got a few paper towels should my face start pouring blood again, cell phones if they decide to work, aspirin, a water bottle, flares, a couple of energy bars, and…that's about it. Go through there and see if there's anything you need. Oh, shit, my lighter!" She flicked the wheel and to her bemusement, it did not light. She tried a few more times, and shook it. "It's still full of fluid. Well, I'll take that, too, maybe it'll start anyway. Okay, anything else?"

"A blanket," Maria answered immediately. "What?" She snapped defensively at Holly's incredulous expression. "We might need it."

"Ah, yes, still doubting that we're in the real world. I've got a jacket in the backseat; you can take it, but you'll carry it. Hey, what kind of shoes are you wearing, anyway?"

Maria lifted a leg for Holly's inspection. "Sneakers, good, me too. Okay, ever been hiking? Hunting? Anything?"

"Not really, but I know how to walk."

"Ooh, frosty. Cheer up, Maria, it's not so bad." Holly frowned as the feeling of unreality passed over her again. Then, in a more subdued voice, she added, "If we don't find the road, we need to find a fence line. Fences mean people. They always eventually lead to people."

"All right," allowed Maria.

"So…let's go." Holly smiled reassuringly, not entirely feeling it herself. The air here felt oppressive and was beginning to make her moody. Maria kept to her side, eyes low and searching over the ground.

"Holly?"

"Yeah?"

"Look at the forest we're in. I mean, really, look."

"I know." Holly answered quietly. "You know," she said after a moment, "what's really funny about that?"

"What?"

"There shouldn't be a forest here at all, now that I think about it."

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"No, really." Holly stopped, face pensive. "The Jackson family owned a lot of the land around Pruitt Park…acres and acres, over a thousand. They ran cattle. From what my uncle was saying, they kept the areas nearest the highway cleared so poachers could be spotted during hunting season and so it was easier to clear hay. We'd have to have driven miles-fucking _miles_-off the road to get into any kind of forest, and we'd have known we weren't on the road anymore. And, uh, don't call me crazy or anything, but these aren't even the kind of trees that are supposed to be out here."

"Trees are trees, right? It's the South, lots of space and trees, I thought." Maria crinkled her nose in thought. She and Holly were beginning to develop some kind of dysfunctional friendship, she felt. Bizarre situation, maybe, but a friendship nonetheless. At least the conversation was flowing more smoothly.

"We should be seeing wesatche and scrub brush, being South Texas. Mesquite, too, with the thorns and the beans. This is…I don't know what species this is. It's fucking huge." She looked upward, craning her neck. "I can't see the tops. That's probably because it's dark, but, you know, _still_."

"Well, it's not like you're some kind of botanist or anything."

"True. But look, have you seen anything like these?" Holly stepped close and rapped on a trunk. "The bark is rough like oak, but the leaves," she leaned up and tore off a low-hanging handful, "are smoothly edged. The roots are visible, which is also something pretty foreign here. It sort of reminds me of really thick kudzu. I've never once seen this species here, and I've lived in this area my whole life. I wish I could see more, but it's just too dark out." The sense of worry was building.

"I'm telling you, nothing about this is right. Don't give me any shit about it, either. I know you feel it. If everything was all hunky-dory, we'd have found the road by now."

"It's only been five minutes."

"Yeah, exactly. If we left the road like you said we'd have felt it. There's no way we could've gone this far. If we left the road at all, it was when you pulled the brake and spun us. There's no way we would've gone this far." Maria reasoned.

"Yeah, and what are you implying? Do I even need to ask?"

"Don't fuck with me, I'm serious. I know I'm the weird one, I wear black and a dog collar and I'm a Yankee, but you're feeling it too. So I'm not crazy or full of shit."

"Okay, lay it out for me. Make it easy for me to understand. You know how crazy that sounds. Reality doesn't work that way."

"Maybe it does work that way, sometimes. Maybe we hit it-hit something-just right, like a thin place between…between our reality and somebody else's. Have you ever thought about those people who just disappear? The dependable people who the news says just seemed to walk away from their whole lives without having taken anything, and they're never seen again. Right? Maybe they walked away, not on purpose or by choice. Nobody hurt them, but they hit a thin place, like we did. They crossed a barrier. Haven't you ever wondered?"

"Honestly? Not really. I figured they ran on the wrong side of some nutjob who was smart or lucky enough to cover their tracks. The stuff you're talking about…movies and books and all imagination, in the end. Right now I'm more worried about sleeping outside. My grandparents own that ranch on the south side of town so I'm used to roughing it if I need to, but you look a might more delicate with your lily white hands. I figure even if we have to spend a couple of days outside, eventually our families will have the local police out looking. They'll get rescue groups together and we'll get picked up, treated for dehydration, and sent home. And then I sue the bloody piss out of Chevrolet for that extreme clusterfuck."

"I know, I know. But what if, you know? I'm not sure I believe it either, and I do read Tolkien and play Warcraft and stuff like that, but our situation so far is pretty weird. It's just…what if?" Maria shrugged and smiled.

"Well, in those books, what happened? Let's say for a minute that we did get tossed into some other place. Shouldn't we be finding the place we crossed over so we could go back?"

"We should after awhile, yeah. But have you ever heard of anybody else disappearing off of IH-74? If the rift was there all the time, don't you think that's sort of a secret you can't keep for very long?"

"Point. But why would it open up all of the sudden? Why us? There would have to be some kind of catalyst behind it." Holly rubbed her bottom lip thoughtfully. "And we definitely should have come to the road by now. I was following the tracks from the truck at first, but remember, they just stopped."

"Well, maybe it doesn't have anything to do with us. We were just in the right place at the right time. Or maybe we're important somehow, and whatever-or whoever-is running the show decided we needed to come here."

"A couple of people can't make that kind of difference. That's the biggest load"- Holly stopped herself, trying to be easy and friendly. "I just can't believe it, you know? That's just not even something that's a possibility. It may be fun to theorize over, but it's like winning the lotto. You can think about it, and its fun, but in the end that's just not part of your reality."

"So modern science hasn't proved it yet, so what? They haven't proved a lot of stuff. Keep an open mind."

"I may have to." Holly smiled. "Start looking for fences. If we find one, we should be able to follow it to a road at some point."

"I remember."

An hour passed. A second, and Maria was becoming more sure of her theory. She was a rational human being, but the facts pointed to something out of their realm of experience. There was always the question; What if she was right? What then?

Holly stopped. She frowned and cocked her head to the side in contemplation. After a few moments, she asked, "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Maria clutched the jacket to her chest and peered around. She could not see anything, but that did not mean there was nothing to see.

"Something…" Holly dropped her pack and knelt on the ground, almost prostrate. Turning one ear to the earth she listened intently. "It's not hooves, but something's headed our way. It's very soft, but you can just feel the ground rumbling with it. No, wait, it stopped." She got up and peered into the darkness.

Bright eyes caught the faint light that filtered through the thick overhead canopy. Holly took an instinctive step back. "I count six pairs of 'em," she whispered. "Turn around and check behind us."

Maria did as Holly asked. Her movements were jerky in her fear. "No. Just those to the side there. What are they?"

"I don't know for sure, but I think I've got a pretty good idea. Do you think you can make it to that tree to your left there?" Without moving her gaze from the glinting eyes she nodded toward the tree.

"Yes…Holly, what are they?"

"I can't be sure, but here's what's going to happen. I want you to turn around and get a good look at that tree trunk. Figure out how you're going to climb it. Then, when I tell you too, you run at it. Climb as high as you can as fast as you can. Okay? Can you do that for me?" Holly thought they might have just enough time to make it work. It would be down to seconds if they succeeded. The predators could not be more than thirty feet away and the tree perhaps twenty. She was willing to bet that the beasts were a lot faster than she and Maria, too. "Did you get a good look? Do you know how you're going to do it?"

"Yes. Um, seriously, what are they?" Maria sounded terrified.

"We'll see in a minute. Okay. We'll do this on three. Ready?" At Maria's nod, Holly began the countdown. "One." Holly took a deep breath.

"Two." She psyched herself up for the three second run from hell. Did the eyes get closer while she talked with Maria?

"Three!" Holly sprang away from her position and heard a snarl from the predator's direction. She sprinted toward the nearby tree and jumped blindly, grabbing at the thick ropes of root and plants that enmeshed the trunk. She could see Maria, higher than herself, staring down in horror. Holly ignored the expression and continued to scrabble up the tree as best she could. Just as she lifted her foot for a higher hold she heard the snap of jaws and snarling. Maria shrieked, her eyes almost comically wide.

Confident of her temporary safety, Holly chanced a look down. Her heart felt as though it skipped a beat or two. Circling the tree trunk were eight wolves, grey-white in color and all enormous. They snapped at one another and growled. They threw hungry looks up at their prey as they prowled around the girls' refuge.

Holly reminded herself to breathe. "Holy shit," she said, voice high and reedy with terror. Holy fucking _hell_! Where did those come from?"

"Well what are we supposed to do now!" Maria demanded. "How long are they going to stay there?"

"Who fucking knows? They aren't even supposed to _be_ here! Those are wolves and this is Texas! We…never once have I seen a wolf in Texas! Coyotes yes, never wolves! What is going on?" Holly continued to climb higher. "Get to a thick branch if you can. We can't hang like this for much longer." Already the straps from her pack cut into her shoulders through her shirt and the bulk felt obscenely heavy. "Can you climb any higher? This is a shitty position."

"Sure," Maria grunted.

The pair struggled to reach a higher vantage point. The bark was gnarled and twisted with thick vines, providing excellent handholds and grips. Hauling their own bodies and scanty equipment up the tree was exhausting. By the time the duo made it to a thick, wide branch they were heaving deep breaths and bemoaning their aching arms.

Maria pushed herself up against the trunk, hands in a death grip on the bark. "What do we do?"

Holly shrugged and carefully repositioned her pack to sit in front of her. "I'll check the cell phones again. We might have been in a bad area or something." She fussed with the device, only to have it sit lifelessly in her palm. No reassuringly irritating ring tone or even a light flickered. She grit her teeth. Maria's phone was no better. "They're both still out. I guess we'll just have to wait them out for now."

The expression on Maria's face let Holly know that she hated that idea. Really, as Holly saw it, they had no choice. Until the wolves lost interest or someone came to their rescue they were stuck. "If you want to try to get some sleep, I'll make sure you stay upright," Holly offered.

Maria snorted. "There's no way I could sleep after all this. God, this is the worst night of my life."

Holly had to agree. "What's weird is that there are any wolves here at all. That's just so bizarre. The more I look at this tree the weirder the whole situation gets, too. I mean, look." She leaned back carefully and tore off a few leaves. "These leaves are purple. That might be common elsewhere, but I've never seen purple leaves growing wild like this, or anywhere else. I mean, what the hell?"

"It's like I said, Holly. What happened to the road? Why are there wolves here? What's with the trees? Something is so wrong." Maria sniffled.

"Oh, don't cry." Holly felt mildly panicky at the display of emotion. How did you calm someone down while tree'd by a bunch of vicious wolves following a bizarre car wreck? Under the best of circumstances she was emotionally insensitive, to put it mildly. "We'll get out of this somehow."

Their half-hearted attempts at conversation withered as the hours wore on. Without a watch it was impossible to accurately guess at the time. All the same Holly guessed that the sun would have to peek up from the horizon soon. She hoped it would drive the wolves away but time would tell. As it was the beasts had taken to lying around the tree trunk, knowing their prey would have to come down at some point.

Holly had not realized how close she was to falling asleep until a shocked yelp from below brought her around. She teetered precariously on the branch and scrabbled for a grip. None presented themselves. Her head connected with a nearby branch and she swayed, dazed, and began to fall.

Maria started at the yelp to see Holly falling. She shot forward and grabbed the other girl by her outstretched forearms and held on for dear life. Holly's hands were lax for a moment, then tightened around Maria's arms. Still, Holly was going over. For a moment she seemed to hang just sideways, most of her torso over empty space, and suddenly Maria was dragged forward as Holly was ungracefully dumped toward the ground.

"Oh, _fuck_! Oh, fuck, Holly, hang on!"

Holly's grip was so tight it was agonizing. Maria slid forward precariously as Holly's weight overbalanced her. Bark scraped along her skin and she bit into her lip to concentrate.

And then something happened that made Maria question her sanity.

The yelping below continued and was joined by frantic speech. She could not make out the words, but there were people! She looked down and almost let go out of astonishment. The speakers below were pointing at them, eyes luminescent in the darkness. There were four of them that she could see, all male. Their skin ranged in tones of marble white to light blue to almost mauve. They stood far taller than she had ever seen a normal person; possibly as high as seven feet, but it was impossible to tell in her panic.

She was insane or dreaming. Maria had no idea which.

What she certainly was, was overbalanced. Holly was a damn sight taller and heavier than Maria and they were both going over. Maria continued to slide forward, now bent over the branch at her stomach while Holly dangled. The situation could not hold and she slid to her hips, bark scraping at her skin. Maria's upper thighs pressed flat against the branch and still she moved forward. She wailed for help and suddenly she was flying.

Perhaps not flying, she thought dully as the ground rushed up to meet her. She let go of Holly and tried to position herself for the least damaging landing. Her shoulder impacted first and she was out cold.

Author's Note: Revelations and introductions are now in order. Being humans, Holly and Maria will be having a look-see at the Alliance territories first. Still, they will get around to Horde-held areas. Thanks for reading!


	2. Interlude: zomg! WTF?

Author's Note: My continued pestering of the hapless Holly and Maria continues, in which they encounter Kaldori and face realities of a world lacking certain technological advancements. Also, Holly schemes.

* * *

"This is the most elaborate fucking joke I've ever heard of. There had better be a camera on me at all times to capture my absolute fury. I demand a cut of whatever obscene amounts of money the reality show that's filming this is making _in addition_ to the amount I'm going to sue them for." 

Holly's voice startled Maria away from the window. "Is that all you think about? You know, you're a really sarcastic bitch when you're upset."

"Hey, you're back to the normal you. What happened to the pants-wetting kid I was trying to take care of?"

Maria snorted. "I'd like to point out that I tried to save you as you fell off a tree limb like two stories high. I bashed myself unconscious too when we both fell, you schmuck."

"I hear I have that effect, but let's keep that quiet."

"Holly, shut up for two seconds and let me talk, all right?"

Holly shrugged. "No, wait. I just have a couple of questions. They're easy, and then you'll get your turn, okay?"

"Fine."

"First off; is this a hospital?" The doubt in her voice was readily evident. Maria could guess why; gray wood paneled the room. The bed Holly lay in was low to the ground and designed almost in the fashion of a canopy. Rich purple draped Holly from the waist down. The bed dressings were light, given the temperate climate. The dwelling itself smelled of fresh sea breeze and-"It smells like fish in here, Maria. Like old, nasty fish. Please explain why it smells like this in what I really hope is a hospital." Holly's fingers drifted to her forehead and she cocked an eyebrow. The lack of a gaping wound was bizarre. No stitches, either. The flesh was still tender but lacked any discernable wound.

"It isn't exactly a hospital," Maria hedged. "It's a home of, er, people who live in the area. Holly, we're close to Auberdine!" Maria's voice betrayed her almost hysterical excitement. "Auberdine, on Kalimdor in Azeroth! Hello, we're in the World of Warcraft!" She grinned maniacally.

Holly regarded Maria with a calculated air. "I did warn you about all those drugs, Maria. Could I speak with whoever owns the house?"

Maria frowned. "That may not be the best idea ever. At least, not yet. Though, I guess you're going to have to see sooner or later."

Holly bridled. "All right, what? Look, I can take a joke pretty well, but I totaled my car in a crazy-ass wreck last night, get chased by wolves up a tree, and I _do_ remember falling out of said tree. So you know, I'm not in the best of moods. Just please ask the very nice, hopefully not psychotic owner of this home to come here."

"Sure. Why don't you follow me?" Maria's voice was edged with smug superiority.

Holly dragged her sluggish body from the rather comfortable, if low-slung, bed. "I have no idea what you're playing at, but I feel that I've always been a good roommate to you. I replace anything I eat that's yours, I don't borrow your clothes, though that's largely because everything you own looks like Technicolor vomit, and I"- she stopped cold, having shuffled to the gargantuan open wall. Her face went completely slack. She took in the view of the area and its inhabitants below, and then turned around abruptly. "I tell you what. You call the men in white coats and I'll get back in bed. Tell them to be gentle when they get here."

"No! You idiot, there are no phones! Do you even know what I'm talking about? We're in Azeroth! Those are Kaldori, Holly! Isn't it great!" Maria positively exuded happiness.

"Look, I know what you're talking about. I have an account and a 'toon or two. I will also never again admit that in public. Ah, Maria, Azeroth is a fictional world copyrighted to Blizzard Entertainment. Now, I think it's a great game and all, but more than likely I'm hallucinating as I bleed to death in my truck." She looked put out. "Though I've got to say, I like this option a whole lot better." She felt along her forehead again. "What happened to my cut, anyway?"

Maria seemed as though she was caught in a fit of joy. "The Druids! We were rescued from the wolves by a group of Druids! Those guys down there are them! You also really hurt your leg in the fall, but they totally healed you right up. Isn't that awesome?"

"It sounds like I'm nearing the end of the 'bleeding to death' phase." Holly sat on the edge of the bed and gawped. "Pretty, for a hallucination. I wonder why I chose this to dream about?"

Maria screeched in frustration. In response to the upset sound, heavy footsteps could be heard thundering toward their room. She smiled half-heartedly. "All right, you. I tried to do it nicely. Now you'll get the shock version."

Holly glanced up, not paying much attention to Maria's chatter. The door swung open, and Holly stopped breathing.

Two women barreled into the room, strange circular weapons at the ready. Holly vaguely recognized the weapons but could not recall the exact name. The women carried themselves warily, eyeing the room's occupants and checking for possible threats. At finding nothing out of place they looked rather puzzled.

Their ears really were sort of ridiculous, Holly thought wryly. The fleshy appendages stood out from the Sentinels' heads by perhaps half a foot. Their protective headgear had been wrought to accommodate the attributes. One was slightly taller and leaner than the other, much to Holly's relief. She had feared their bodies would be identical. One approached Maria, asking something in what Holly supposed was Darnassian. Maria shrugged helplessly.

Holly grinned wickedly. There were maybe two phrases she knew from playing Warcraft that might elicit a real reaction. "Ishnu-allah," she said.

The Sentinels swiveled to face the seated human girl. They spoke rapid-fire, all totally lost on Holly.

"Sorry," she apologized. "That's all I know."

The taller warrior tapped her chin and tried in a different language.

Still, Holly could only shrug. "I'm really, really sorry. I've got nothing, ladies. I'm sort of a one-trick pony when it comes to language."

The armored pair nodded vaguely and, seeing nothing amiss, left. Once outside of the room, Sentinel Relia Newmoon turned to her companion. "Two humans who do not speak Common? Perhaps the Druids were fooled. They could be spies."

"They are helpless, and fairly incompetent to boot," Illestre Greenpath replied. "I would have trouble believing that. Besides, the Druids could only track them to a strange metal insect shell."

Relia looked alarmed. "Insect shell? Could this be a ploy of the Silithid?"

"Friend, you have encountered the two. I have not yet found any others as utterly helpless as they. In my service against the Burning Legion I encountered young gnome children with more sensibility than the girls, if you can believe that. Druid Malorn speaks of taking them to the Archdruid, but you know of the sum of _his_ grand plans." Illestre repositioned her glaive, angling the blades vertically. "The girls would be best aided by their own kind. I cannot fathom human designs and do not aspire to. The greatest kindness that could be bestowed on them is a return to their own kind."

Back in the room, Maria smirked at Holly. "Pretty lively for a delusion, right?"

"Okay, I'm willing to go with it. It's a pleasant sort of fantasy at least. One point I want to make, though; do you really think us being here is a good thing?"

Maria fairly squealed. "Yes! Oh my God, think about it! We're in Azeroth! There are really night elves, there are dwarves"-

"There's also the Scourge's plague that could kill us really easily, since we have immune systems that haven't ever encountered any of their illnesses. Hell, Maria, their version of the common cold could finish us off. Haven't you ever read about what happened when the Europeans first encountered the Native Americans? The diseases exchanged killed off huge numbers of people. If that doesn't do it then our situation will. We've got no money or friends here. Food costs money and…how did you get a room here, exactly?"

"It's someone's home. The Druids and a party of Sentinels are here for now, but they act like their stay won't be long. We're pretty much here on the owner's kindness. Technically we're Alliance since we're humans." Maria turned back to the window. "Auberdine. That place is a huge hub of people."

"In game it is, but I didn't see anyone walking around with a big yellow exclamation point over their heads. I thought the night elves were supposed to be aloof and a little condescending to other races, generally. Besides, what business do other races have here, if you think about it? I really doubt there are legions of quest-givers here."

"Well, there's one way to find out," Maria squinted at something in the distance. "I mostly see night elves from here, but we're a little ways from the town itself. We're just south of it, I think. How do you feel?"

"I could walk," Holly allowed. "Oh Jesus." Holly did not sound particularly upset or even interested. "Worst. Day. Ever. And I still have the feeling I'm on Candid Camera. Interestingly enough, who dressed me?"

"I did, and bathed you too. Well, some of the Druids helped. You were _ripe_."

Holly bridled at the thought of her naked, unconscious body being manhandled by a bunch of strangers, especially handsome ones. She forced it down. "Can I have some real clothes now? Please? I'm not walking around in this. It's just bad all around."

"It's just a garment for the home while you recover."

"Maria, its underwear. Unsexy and unflattering underwear, in the way of a description. I'm not going to walk around like an old British nanny. Where are my jeans?"

"I'll bring them to you when they're done drying. We had to wash them. They were covered in blood. Your shirt was a total loss, you'd bled all over it."

"I'm sorry; I can't have heard that right. Please try again. The answer I want to hear involves the word, 'immediately'. I'm not walking around in anything like your long thermal underwear, either…Hey, what happened to my hiking pack? I had useful stuff in there."

"They aren't underwear!" Maria sounded mortally offended and clutched at the thin shawl around her shoulders. "They're homespuns. I tore my clothes when I fell."

"What? Homespuns? And stop avoiding my question; where's my pack?"

"Yes; they're clothes made at home. I think your pack is maybe with the rest of your clothes. I mean, I can't see us needing it anymore."

"You're kidding. You're not? I'd like to get home at some point. Preferably before I start nattering like a lunatic."

"Little late for that," remarked Maria dryly. "And we could learn things here, Holly. Think about it. We actually learn magic here!"

"No." Holly sounded resolute. "I'm going to call bullshit on that one.

"Oh really? Well, how about your head? Magic healed that, and your whiplash, too."

Holly rubbed the back of her neck. It refused to hurt, not even a twinge. She willed it to at least cramp. It steadfastly refused. "Okay, that's neat," she allowed. "But, uh, back to one of my original thoughts…sanity. How do you know _you're_ not nuts?"

"What?" Maria had not considered that point.

"What if you've gone stark raving? What if you're really in a grim little cell somewhere, having this conversation all to yourself? Ever think of that?"

"No," Maria said slowly.

"Well then, now you have," Holly smiled brightly. "Welcome to that pleasant train of thought. I've had it running through my head for awhile now. Share and share alike."

"You utter bitch," Maria said mildly.

"I try. I've also just had a thought. A few of them, so try to keep up."

"Er"-

"First off; we need to learn how to defend ourselves. I know that in the game we're suppose to have some incredible powers flowing from the gods, but I don't feel all that differently, and quite frankly Azeroth's gods sound kind of like assholes, because I'd imagine it's their fault for not sealing up any little cracks people can slip through. I'd rather not depend on them if I can help it. Secondly; we need to find out all we can about this world. It's pretty fucking obvious it's more than a stone's throw from our own. We need to _make it _work for us, follow me?"

"No, and it's"-

"Think about it, Maria. These people believe-or have the conditioning and capacity to believe-that we're from some mystical place. Right now, we're just a couple of transients without any standing, money, reputations, defenses, or-or anything else-to our names. We need them to believe that we're excellent beings from far away who have come to rule them in a benevolent fashion. Otherwise, we could well spend the rest of our lives in servitude or just die when they toss us out onto the streets, assuming that this place has streets somewhere. Now do you follow?"

"That's horrible, Holly, do you have any idea what that means? You want to trick them into making us their-their what, leaders? Royalty?"

"Yes, exactly. And we might not even be tricking them, Maria. I'd say that if I'm taken out of my world, tossed into the unknown, and have to civilize this place into something habitable, I deserve a little compensation. Like a harem full of nubile young men whose singular job in life is to make me squeal. I don't think that's too much to ask for what I'm giving up."

"It really alarms me that the first things you think of involve money and pleasure."

"Hardly. It means I'm still sane enough to cover my ass, and quite frankly you should be devising the same. I'm disappointed in you."

"In me!" Maria sputtered. "That you-oh, that's funny-you opportunistic creep"-

"Sticks and stones and all that nonsense. And you have to admit that I've got a point. I will, with my right hand to god-whichever one that turns out to be-go to the ends of the earth to do whatever it is that we need to do to stay alive and content. Now let's find me some clothes I'm not ashamed of, some breakfast, and my backpack, and then we'll see about being prophets or saviors or whatever." Holly shifted and then jiggled. "On second thought, where's the little girls' room? I need to powder my nose."

Maria smiled savagely. "I am _so glad_ you asked."

That the "little girls' room" Maria escorted her to was at the end of a hall was not lost on Holly. Maria's obvious hateful glee was duly noted as well. She also recognized the ghastly reek emanating from it. Her eyes were watering and she sniffled frequently. She shot an irritated look at Maria, who seemed mildly surprised. "Don't tell me; no running water. It's a pit toilet, isn't it?"

"You can smell it from here?" Maria asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "I must be getting used to it. I haven't gotten a whiff just yet. Oh, there it is. You enjoy, Holly."

Holly's eyes and nose were streaming and she bounced from foot to foot. "Don't they have chamber pots?"

"Is it really that bad? I'll admit, Holly, it's gross, but I'm standing right next to you and I'm not crying over it."

"I'm not crying; it's just godawful. I think I'm going to chuck." She looked around desperately; surely some other option had to exist. The floor was looking a sight better.

"Do it in there! Look, do it once and get it over with. Go!"

Her stomach gave a painful lurch and she threw open the wooden door of the small room. The smell was overpowering without the meager barrier of the door. The back of her throat burned and her salivary glands went into overdrive. Where the bleeding hell was the john?

She cast about desperately and noticed the hole in the floor, sides smoothed from years of others utilizing the chamber. The stink was almost an entity unto itself; one beating her madly about the head. There were dry leaves and strips of bark in neat piles nearby, she dully realized.

She could faintly hear Maria cackling outside the door. Righteous indignation took over and Holly took a deep breath, forced it out, and threw the door open again. Maria chortled and grinned maniacally.

"Already?"

Holly didn't bother answering. She gripped the pale blue wrap around her friend's shoulders and snatched it off, nearly flinging Maria into wall with the excessive force. Disregarding Maria's shocked spluttering she hurled herself back into the loathsome chamber.

After a few moments, Maria heard the distinct sounds of ripping cloth. She howled laughter at the door.

* * *

Author's Notes: Bloo-haha! Next chapter features a good deal more action and panic. They encounter Auberdine as a real, functioning city.  



	3. Oh Noes! Griefing!

Author's Note: First off, I really appreciate the reviews, guys. DemonBredChild, Esperanza, Jaime, and Evelynn; thank you! Also, it's come to my attention (courtesy of the sharp-eyed Evelynn) that I ought to get a real beta reader. If anyone has the time and inclination, please send me an email. A thorough knowlege of Warcraft lore isn't a must, but a bonus for sure. At least then I'll know if I'm about to make myself look stupid. Secondly, I know it seems that the story is progessing rather slowly for which I apologize. However, the things mentioned have bearing on the plot (yes, there is one!), no matter how roundabout it may seem. Please stick with me and thanks for the patience! Thirdly, someone asked for a better physical description of Maria and Holly. However, I'd like to avoid that. They're supposed to be, well, two regular schmoes. Whatever two regular schmoes look like in your imagination, that's them. I'm trying to avoid going the "Mary Sue" route with them.

* * *

Maria hoped she wasn't salivating to the point of embarrassment. She guessed she probably was anyway. She was sure no one could blame her for it, though.

Around her sat the four male Kaldorei Druids in various states of undress. They seemed a bit perturbed at her presence but Maria would have to be physically dragged away from the scene. As it was the Druids were meditating and did not appreciate the gaping human girl who had wandered into their precious time communing with the forest. Ferend in particular seemed irked; he kept twitching and huffing.

To Maria's eyes they were the most perfect beings she had ever seen. Their bodies were long and leanly muscled, their skin tinted in soft hues of lavender or even blue. Their almond-shaped eyes were closed in their meditation but were they open she knew they would glow with the supernatural luminosity she had seen before. Each face was smooth with nary a wrinkle or even a blemish. Long hair swept their shoulders and backs in shades of green or purple, even white. Maria sighed happily. The men before here were, quite simply, perfect.

Holly strolled toward Maria and frowned, noticing the expression on her companion's face. She had no idea why; the other girl was staring at a bunch of gangly tree-hugging hippies with girlie hair. To boot, their ridiculously long ears were great to poke someone's eye out. Maria's choice in lust objects struck her as lacking. Quite frankly, they just looked like a bunch of lanky metrosexuals.

She clapped a hand on Maria's shoulder and smiled when her friend jumped. "Stop harassing them, Maria. I'm pretty sure they have some kind of law against blatant sexual harassment."

Maria groaned. "Tell me they aren't the prettiest things ever!"

"They aren't the prettiest things ever," Holly deadpanned. "If you want pretty, go hit on a Sentinel. I don't think it would make you officially gay, though I've had my suspicions about you for a while now. I'm almost convinced these guys here don't even have a discernable gender."

Maria pouted. "Go away. It's like taking in fine art; I can't fully appreciate it with you being so negative and carping in my ear." She took to one Druid in particular. While she couldn't quite remember his name (had it been Ferend? Fererin? Something along those lines), he was by far her favorite. Who couldn't like stark white hair against lilac-tinted skin? He exuded peace and a genuine belonging to nature. She almost could not picture him in civilization of any sort.

"Snap to, Maria. I'm disgusted just watching you. You're not just undressing that guy with your eyes; you're a _hell_ of a lot further! Oh, squick. I can just hear you composing poetry in your head with words like 'love', 'declarations', and the old favorite, 'passion'."

"Oh, not hardly," Maria snapped. Actually her mental poetry was a sight dirtier than Holly imagined, but she felt it best to keep that to herself. Words like 'heat', 'friction', and the standby 'you're place or mine?' were closer to the truth, but she did not think Holly could stomach that. "What do you want?"

"The Sentinels are gearing up. By the looks of it they're getting ready to move out. They've made it pretty clear we're going with them." Holly toed at the rich soil, muddling a green sprout. The area was creepy to her, especially since the night elves only seemed to move, well, in the night. She supposed the Kaldorei were well adjusted to it, being a nocturnal race, but she just looked like an idiot squinting into the blanketing dark all the time. Hopefully there would be some sort of artificial light generated in town though electricity was probably out of the question.

"How can you tell?" Maria asked.

"Tell what?" Holly was still preoccupied with staring into the woods beyond.

"Well, how do you know we're supposed to go with them? I mean, it's dusk. Shouldn't we wait until morning?"

"Technically this is morning to them. Probably along the lines of asscrack-of-dawn early, if I had to guess. Remember, they're _night_ elves. That's pretty indicative of their habits. Besides, aren't you the fangirl? Don't you know all the Warcraft lore?"

"For the most part, yes I do. It's just that, hello; we were tossed into Azeroth pretty crazily. Under these circumstances I can't just remember every little thing." Maria never took her eyes from her Druid of choice, memorizing his features for…later use. "In the lore there's even the story of Kilnar Goldensword, an elven woman, and Daelin Proudmore, a human naval officer. They had an affair and even a daughter who became a warrior. I can't remember the kid's name, but there's proof that some intermarriage is possible."

"We aren't either hot or talented enough to hook up with night elves, Maria. Be realistic. Besides, aren't they immortal? We're young now, but we're going to sag and wrinkle eventually. I'd rather do that with a human than someone who's going to look eternally young and beautiful." Holly truly hoped Maria was not busily convincing herself that she was destined for love with one of their rescuers.

Maria huffed. "Technically they aren't immortal. They lost their immortality when Malfurion Stormrage defeated Archimonde, destroying the power of Nordrassil. That's…a huge moment in Azeroth's history, especially for these elves. Still, they're supposed to live a very long time. They're still gorgeous, and so what if I look, at least? Don't you have an eye for beauty?"

"No," Holly smirked. "I have an eye for the good-looking, and these guys sure aren't it. All the same, whatever floats your boat. If you like these girls, well, that's fine with me. As long as it isn't _me_, in which case I'm flattered but uninterested."

Maria shot Holly a withering look. "Talking with you is pointless. What do I need to do before we leave? How much time do I have?"

Holly considered that. "I'd say an hour at most. You ought to get cleaned up. There's a washbasin in our room. The homeowner, ah, I think he's a Mr. Garen Mistway, is cooking something that smells horrifyingly like a seafood dish. Have I mentioned that I hate seafood? Because I do. I hate it a whole lot." She scowled. Who cooked seafood for breakfast? She had to get to a human area and quick.

"On the bright side, we're eating. Everything they've done for us is incredibly kind," Maria reminded her.

"I didn't say I didn't appreciate it, though I realize it came off that way. I know how bad we could have it. By all rights we should still be up that crappy tree waiting for the wolves to go away. I really am thankful for all their efforts on our behalf. However, Maria, I would like to point out that we are sitting amidst four meditating night elf Druids in Azeroth. The implications of that make me a might _prickly_. My recent behavior's largely a defense mechanism. I apologize."

"Implications?"

"I'll discuss them while we're traveling. Now's not the time."

Maria rolled her eyes. "This isn't more of your whole, 'We can be royalty and rich,' spiel, is it?"

"No, because I've come to the conclusion that I'll have to be a whole lot brainier or craftier to pull that off. This is more of a 'necessary facts-of-life' discussion." Holly rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm headed to the kitchen to see if I can help. I guess I need to learn how to cook the Dark Ages way."

"You can't cook the normal way," Maria reminded her.

"No, but I'd better start learning in general. Any sort of knowledge is good to have, particularly one that facilitates eating." Holly tilted her head toward Maria. "You ought to join me. As I recall, you considered vanilla ice cream breakfast."

"Oh, only that one time!" Maria rounded on Holly.

Illestre chuckled as she watched the two humans bickering. They were certainly an odd pair. Neither seemed familiar with Kaldorei culture, though that was to be expected. Her people had been secluded from the other races for so long…until the Orcs appeared in their forests, chopping and burning with appalling abandon. Though they were in the Darkshore region at the moment, her party would soon be shipped to Ashenvale to combat the illegitimate Horde claim on the Eastern border. Silverwing Outpost specifically had suffered many recent attacks. She felt acidic hatred flow through her veins at the thought of her fellow proud Kaldorei who had fallen.

Relia saw her compatriot's sudden change in expression and sighed, guessing at its cause. "Do not worry," she comforted. "We will soon join the rest of our party. Auberdine will see us reequipped and ready. You will see."

Illestre nodded tiredly. "I know, of course. I only wish the Archdruid would take territorial matters more seriously. He thinks only of…"

"Of our lives?" Relia prompted testily. "He works tirelessly to restore our immortality. Tyrande Whisperwind is too shortsighted with regards to"-

Illestre recoiled and rubbed at a nonexistent smudge on her arm. "Our immortality was given for good cause! I…do not relish the thought of aging, but the Burning Legion has been struck low." She tilted her chin up proudly. "I would give mine again, as would many I know. The Archdruid's willingness to compromise our bond with nature has seen Teldrassil corrupted. We can accept mortality. We cannot accept having our homes stolen and perverted."

Relia sucked in a breath. "Do you really think the Burning Legion fell with Archimonde? You know history better than that, Illestre. Yes, our sacrifice was great, but it hardly eradicated the threat. Teldrassil suffers from corruption but illness can be cured. Our souls will be re-entwined with our new World Tree. Such is our place."

The two were silent for a moment, each mulling over the other's views. Each knew the other represented an opinion held by many of the Kaldorei population. Each could see the merit of the other's argument. Strong racial ties and centuries of growing past petty squabbles saw them step back from the point of contention. They finished packing alongside one another and though the conflict was not resolved, it was unimportant for the time being.

Smaller concerns had to be dealt with. They had to reach Auberdine to resupply and receive orders. The humans had to be seen after, which likely meant a sea voyage to the port of Menethil. Illestre did not wish to send the ill-equipped duo over the wide sea without some sort of protection. Relia agreed. Who to send them with? Even after the cooperation during wartime humans rarely ventured to Kaldorei lands. What to do?

* * *

"It smells like fish," Maria hissed, poking Holly in the back. "Seriously."

Holly pointedly ignored her friend. She was almost fully absorbed in keeping control of the giant cat they rode. The physical gestures necessary to command the animal were unnervingly similar to riding a horse. The ride itself was vastly different. For one, the gait and impact were much smoother. Riding so close to the ground was utterly bizarre. All the same, there was a comfort in sitting astride a huge feline evolutionary throwback. There was also a rather undignified 'squee, I'm riding a sabrecat' bubbling up, but she chose not to voice it.

Maria clasped Holly around the waist, cheek pressed firmly into the shredded remains of her T-shirt. Holly had refused the offer of a homespun tunic and so looked like a psychotic homeless person, in Maria's opinion. Maria had taken the clothing on Holly's behalf and secreted it away in her own small leather backpack, courtesy of the kind homeowner. Holly could thank her for it later.

This all had to be some kind of joke or hallucination or...who knew what. Still, it all felt so real. Holly's clothes smelled like sweat, she could hear birds overhead, and could quite clearly see the earth and plants they traveled over. Surely she could not imagine things so vividly. Humidity plastered her hair and clothes against her skin, only slightly alleviated by the infrequent sea breeze which came more often the longer they traveled.

"Darkshore," Holly said suddenly, looking around. "I'm sure that's what this is supposed to be. I thought it was…well, a lot smaller."

"Well, the world looks small on a map, too. So in game, what did you play?"

"I...didn't play. I told you. It's a stupid dweeb game...but if I did play, it would be a Horde shammie. Tauren, specifically."

This time Maria whacked her across the shoulder. "You traitor! How could you roll Horde? _Why_? They're evil!"

"The Tauren are a gentle grassland-dwelling race who are misunderstood," Holly sniffed. Though Maria could not see it, her eyes lit up. "Oh my God, we could see Thunder Bluff! With the elevators and the tipi houses!"

Maria snorted. "Good luck. I don't know if you forgot, but we had better stick to Alliance areas."

"Ah, right. Not dying is sort of the primary goal for now. I still wish I could see Cairne." Holly reined the sabrecat to the left to follow the leading Sentinels. "I wonder how similar this place is to the game."

As if in response a strange cry went up from the darkened wood beyond. To Holly it sounded like some combination of a large bird's keening and a bear's deep bellow. The Sentinels were on alert immediately, swinging their huge mounts in the direction of the sound and dismounting. Holly suddenly felt an overwhelming gratitude for the cat they rode on.

Unlike the wolves, these predators took no pains to disguise their approach. Their bodies rammed through the underbrush and generally created a racket as they barreled toward the small traveling party. Holly and Maria sat astride their mount, paralyzed in fear and overwhelming curiosity.

At last the intruders came into view. Their round bodies were coated in ghostly white feathers and punctuated in flat clawed feet. A strange intelligence burned in their eyes and thick, shining beaks looked capable of removing an arm at the shoulder. Three carried crude metal swords while the fourth swung a gnarled, twisted staff wildly at the Sentinels.

If Holly and Maria had been capable of thinking more clearly or had level heads, they might have remarked upon the Sentinels' expert handling of the situation. Relia, as the more battle-hardened and close-quarter fighter, leapt to the fore and waylaid two sword wielding Moonkin. Seemingly unconcerned for her own safety, the Sentinel aggressively turned her glaive into the bodies of her enemies. Blood and feathers splattered across Relia's weapon and clothing unheeded. She ducked low and feigned to the left, snapping high and to the right when her enemy took the bait. One wickedly sharp glaive blade plunged deep into an attacker's eye. As the beast fell dead its companion howled its outrage and grief, then slammed into the Sentinel. She was momentarily stunned by the impact.

Illestre was not idle. She too jumped into action, glaive at the ready. The staff-wielding Moonkin stopped short of charging her and stood stock still for a moment. It narrowed its black eyes and concentrated. The clearing's air felt charged and tense; Illestre understood what was to come and ducked low. The blast of vivid blue-white lightening sailed just over her right shoulder and at Holly and Maria.

As Illestre charged, Holly and Maria were thrown from their mount in its panic to escape the electrical blast. Maria was tossed inelegantly away to the farthest edge of the clearing, her back slamming into a thick tree trunk. Dazed, she watched as Holly was dragged about wildly by the panicked cat. In horror, she realized one of Holly's feet still sat trapped in its stirrup. She watched as Holly curled at the waist and tried to free herself, all the while skidding on her rear in the mossy earth.

Holly's fingers worked desperately at the thick leather binding her foot to the crazed sabrecat. She had stupidly forgotten that these were not safety stirrups as she was used to. These would not release her foot quickly or easily. The cat veered right suddenly to escape impact with a Moonkin and Holly crashed into it. Feathers gagged her for a moment and she was happily free. Her elation died when she became horribly aware that her aching body was sitting against a struggling, armed Moonkin.

Holly rolled away and scrabbled desperately for her hunting knife. She came away empty handed. Where the fuck was it? What the _hell _was she supposed to _do_?

An enormous clawed foot raked at her, inches from her face. Holly cried out and scrambled to a standing position. The Moonkin stabbed at her and she dove away. The beast was a young warrior amongst its tribe; the invader would not escape him so easily. In his rage at the death of his comrade he sought revenge on the human. Holly felt a push of air and ducked away again, barely missing the foot's talons that sought to tear her spine from her back.

A glinting in the corner of her eye caught her attention as she fell again. Blessedly, as if through divine providence, lay one of the Sentinel's spears. Holly seized it and swung the point upward as the fleshy, feathered body of the Moonkin fell onto it. Its eyes bulged in surprise and agony as the weapon effectively disemboweled it. It collapsed onto her as she clung to the spear.

Illestre disarmed the Shaman Moonkin as it attempted to cast another spell. Her glaive flashed in the moonlight and the beast soon lay dead, his throat slashed open. She turned to aid Relia, only to find that her partner had finished dispatching her foes as well. The Sentinel swung to check on the humans. She gasped in surprise. A Moonkin lay dead nearby, one of the human's feet sticking out awkwardly from underneath it. Could it be that the girl had done battle? Despite herself she was impressed. She had killed it, even!

Maria wheezed and peeled herself from the trunk of the tree. Her body would not allow her to move quickly at all, but she had to help Holly if she could. The Sentinels reached Holly and the Moonkin quicker. They plucked the great weight off the girl and tossed it aside. To their consternation, Holly was blinking slowly up at them in a stupefied fashion.

Relia leaned down and gave the girl a good slap to bring her around. Holly did not even give notice. Maria reached them and sat next to her friend. She gripped one of her bloodied hands and squeezed.

"Holly?" she asked, leaning in close. "Holly, please, are you okay? Can you hear me? Do you know that I'm speaking to you?" In the tense seconds that followed Maria squeezed her hand again. It was slick with thick, fresh blood that had flooded down the spear shaft and onto Holly's skin. She began to cry. "Please, oh, God, Holly, get up! Insult me! Do something!" In the sudden stillness after battle she felt hyper-aware. Lightening bugs flashed irregularly nearby and the dark of night pressed in on all sides. She couldn't really be watching her friend die, could she?

"…M'ria?"

"Oh my God! Oh, _God_, Holly! I thought you were brain damaged or dying or I don't know what!" Maria sniffled and wiped at her runny nose.

"Very…_very_ important, M'ria…" Holly rasped. Her face was dead serious, eyes boring into her friend.

Maria leaned in, wholly focused on what her friend was trying to say. "Yes?"

"Need to tell…you need to know…"

Maria began to sob in earnest.

Holly took a deep breath. Her voice came out strong and angry. "Your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at fifty yards. Get _off_ me!" Holly pushed Maria off her chest and sat upright.

"You-I can't even-you stupid bitch, I thought you were going to die!" Instead of slapping Holly, Maria tackled her at the waist, flattening her again. Holly would have preferred the slap.

"Breath! Nasty, skanky breath! Halitosis breath! Off, off, and away!" Holly gurgled from the dogpile. She managed to disentangle herself from the frantic Maria.

Relia turned to Illestre. "You see? There is more to them than we previously thought. She attacked the Moonkin in defense."

Illestre frowned. It certainly seemed that way. "Did you not see the battle?"

"I was quite busy at the time. I take it you did not see her fight either?"

"I did not, no." Illestre cocked an eyebrow. "Perhaps we would be remiss in not attempting to find a teacher of some sort for them. The tall one has courage, if not the experience. Maria might also have some aptitude for defense. The Alliance needs all the able bodied soldiers it can acquire…or create."

Relia looked skeptical. "I would be more likely to label Holly's victory an accident."

Illestre, always an optimist, disagreed. "I tell you, human women can be fierce. Perhaps they are not Kaldorei caliber, but at the least they could learn to protect themselves. With all manner of Trolls, Undead, and rcs about, it would be good."

"Let us decide this later. As it is we must now clean our weapons and redistribute our weight load. One mount has fled." Relia heaved a breath and got to work.

"Thankfully we are close to Auberdine. The militia leader there will need to know that the Moonkin have grown bolder. I cannot believe they attacked us so close to the town!" Illestre wiped a rag across a gore-coated glaive blade.

"I must wonder if they are advancing, or if they are being forced from their strongholds," Relia mused. "Perhaps once they were friendly with our people, but their corruption has driven them mad. The wolves that attacked the humans were also unusual. The Ghostpaw bloodline is of Ashenvale origin, is it not?"

"It is," agreed Illestre. "I had not thought of that. Curious indeed and more than a little alarming. When was the last time Auberdine received a scouting report?"

Relia mulled the question over. "In all honesty I do not know. I recall that such ventures had been stretched thinly due to the lack of trained scouts, but I have been along Darkshore's coastline for the past year, checking in on the citizenry."

"At any rate, we can mention our observations and concerns to the Auberdine defense." Illestre stretched and sighed. "I suppose we'll have to bear the humans with us as riders. I will take the smelly one and you may have the small one."

"Well, make sure Holly changes her clothes. She's got fresh blood all over her and you certainly do not want that to foul you." Relia motioned to Maria to join her.

The caravan was soon on its way, winding toward Auberdine. Holly sat sullenly behind Illestre, sulking at the homespuns she was forced into wearing. Maria goggled about in childlike wonder at their surroundings. Her diligence was rewarded; she sighted the gray peaks of Auberdine's buildings first.

"Holly!" She squealed. "Look! We're really here!"

Holly harrumphed and glowered. "Great. More fishy smell and all the disgusting seafood I can eat, all while wearing stupid scratchy thermal underwear."

Maria chose to ignore her friend's lack of enthusiasm. She was focused on the surroundings intently. The peaks of the buildings, while faintly visible, were mostly obscured by the fog rolling in from the sea. Faint lights glowed at the buildings' pinnacles. As they drew closer she could see the delicate nature of the architecture. Roofs seemed to glide down through the fog and ended in rolling carvings. Despite the thick fog many windows were open and unshuttered. She supposed that the townspeople had grown very used to the weather after living there for centuries.

To Maria's delight Kaldorei seemed everywhere. She had thought there would be more children but so far had seen only one, and he an adolescent at least. Well, the Kaldorei did have long lives. They could put childbirth and family life off for quite awhile.

Night elves bustled past the riders, paying them little heed. All seemed long and lean and utterly, hatefully beautiful. Holly felt squat and ungainly compared to them, though she knew she was not fat or flabby. Simply by comparison any human had to feel bulky. Many of the town's citizens carried baskets of fish or fruit in their arms or on top of their heads. A market of some sort was ahead as well. Her breath caught as she caught sight of a group of sooty dwarves, for they could be nothing else, around a glowing forge and anvil. She knew she was staring and probably incredibly rude but she couldn't help herself. A human man stopped to speak with a dwarf merchant under his canopied cart. Holly stared at the scene, utterly transfixed.

Beyond the sea rolled into the Auberdine shoreline. Mist rose from the surface languidly and was buffeted about by the odd sea breeze. Relia and Illestre smiled. Finally, they would be able to resupply and receive their orders. First, however, they would need to find suitable guardians for the humans and see them off.

* * *

Author's Note: Finally in town! The next chapter features looking for a group and the dreaded ninja'ing of items by a unscrupulous bit of riff-raff. Also, could it be that Holly stumbles across someone attractive? Maria's already infatuated with the Druid Ferend, and he makes an appearance next chapter as well.

* * *


	4. Need to Logout!

Author's Note: Been awhile since the last update; real life is pretty demanding (did you know it's possible to get two DUI's in one week? One of my family members found out, and it's become a rather involved ordeal...the reckless idiot). Chapter 4 has been revised heavily, as I did not like the direction it was headed. I want to keep the story exciting and funny, and Illestre's death was not in line with what I have in mind. So, I re-present chapter 4, with Illestre not dying and a detail or two revised. Chapter 5 will be up next Tuesday, after it finishes its beta circuit. Reviews appreciated, and thanks to those still reading!

Thundris Windweaver offered the Sentinels a glass of good Moonberry wine. Both declined the offer. He should have figured on that; diligent warriors protecting the kingdom did not wish to compromise their mental faculties regardless of perceived safety. He did wish that he had not offered the two human girls the same drink. They were busily quaffing the excellent beverage as though it was fresh spring water, and in these difficult times it was very difficult to procure many such luxuries. Regardless he prided himself on his civilized hospitality. "Are you quite sure? This is the first report of Ghostpaw wolves in Darkshore. This does not bode well."

Relia nodded tiredly. "The Moonkin encroaching could be attributed to their madness. Ghostpaw are wolves; wolves must hunt and so they follow their prey. I think"-

Illestre interrupted, her youthful zeal getting the better of her sense of decorum. "I believe there must be something forcing these creatures from their homes. If you would, please send us immediately to Eastern Ashenvale to investigate and give our comrades aid. Surely this is a sign that the Orcs or _worse_-like the demons they are in league with-are further"-

"I have my own suspicions, Illestre, as does Relia. Please allow her to finish her report." Thundris drummed his long fingers on the wooden bole he leaned against.

Relia nodded at Illestre sympathetically. Her friend's rashness could one day get her in a great deal of trouble. "That the Ghostpaw would migrate so far north is a possible sign of Orc intrusion, certainly. Beasts are quicker to heed the forest's warnings. I believe the situation can wait, though. A written report, sent to Archdruid Staghelm's advisors, would suffice."

Illestre kept her face expressionless but was displeased nonetheless. The Archdruid would of course not see the dire situation created by the Orcs and their demonic allies. He cared little for the hardships his negligence caused their kinsmen in Ashenvale. Once again the issue of their mortality would usurp more pressing concerns. "May I compose the report?"

Thundris shook his head. "He is accustomed to receiving reports from me, as are his advisors. I would like to keep things as stable for him as I can, even through such small details."

"Do you all _really_ think so _highly_ of him!" Illestre exploded, unable to hold back her disappointment. "He is only concerned with restoring our immortality"-

"_Only_? Concerned _only_ with restoring our immortality?" Thundris leaned forward in disbelief. "Sentinel Illestre Greenpath, you answer to him. He has sacrificed his personal life for this noble goal. Now you wish to alarm him further with wild tales of Orcs and-and corruption and…really!" He breathed deeply to calm himself. He noted bemusedly the human girls had gone quiet at the sudden angry turn in the conversation. "I understand and sympathize with your concerns, Sentinel Greenpath, but it is a tempest in a teacup. We _must_, for the sake of our people, not trouble him and distract him from his great work."

Illestre reined in her raging anger. In a more subdued tone she continued. "I worry, then, that our single-minded focus on our immortality is causing us to ignore issues that threaten us in the immediate future. We are threatened on all sides and yet it seems we wish to remain blind to it. Please give me my orders to seek out the leading Sentinel in Ashenvale." She hoped she could sway the militia leader there to note the troubles.

Thundris sighed. "I have your orders from Darnassas, Sentinels. However I believe it would be in the best interests of the humans to have an escort. We are continuing to build relations with the human kingdom and our allies of the Alliance. At this very moment Ambassador Dolfen is settling into the inn with his entourage. While escorting the two girls may seem a small task, I assure you it will go over well in Stormwind. I will write to your commanding Sentinel and inform her of the change."

Illestre reeled. She had been waiting anxiously for the Ashenvale assignment. "You cannot! I must go! My kin patrol the area and my uncle is in the Dor Dannil Barrow Den! I must! Do not take this from me, I beg you!"

Relia put a calming hand on her friend's back. "We are needed in another matter, Illestre. If such is our duty then such is our fate. Do not forget your obligation to our people."

Thundris nodded his agreement. "I will have the innkeeper ready quarters for you." He considered the suddenly attentive humans who still kept a firm grip on his Moonberry wine. "I suppose they must stay as well. Perhaps they will serve some use yet. Have they mentioned any kin?"

Illestre balked. "No. As I explained, they were found harried by the Ghostpaw. They know neither Darnassian nor Common. Sentinel Newmoon even tried a bit of Dwarvish. I tell you, they know nothing. I have never encountered anything like it. We must explore their purposes here. They are helpless."

Relia frowned. "We have reason to believe that one, at least, has had some sort of combat training." She went on to explain Holly's fortuitous victory over the Moonkin warrior.

"I see," Thundris allowed after she had finished. "We will certainly keep an eye on the two. For the time being we will house them in the inn. The next ship to the Eastern Kingdoms will arrive…" He considered the timetable. "In perhaps four days. I will check on the exact time and secure passage for you. Is this agreeable?"

The scowl on Illestre's face indicated that the situation was anything but agreeable. Relia nodded. "If these are our orders we will see them through."

The Druid nodded. "I will admit an ulterior motive in having you escort these humans. Please, follow me." He led them upstairs to continue the discussion.

Holly and Maria stayed put for a few moments. Neither were particularly adept at 'holding their liquor', and as such soon forwent glasses entirely for simply passing the bottle between each other. Holly's inhibitions were soon as liquefied as that of a freshman college girl's during Rush Week. She thought on why the Druid would wish to speak with the Sentinels alone and decided she didn't like that at all. She stood up and nodded at Maria. "I've gotta pee. I'll be right back."

Maria nodded and clutched the bottle to her chest. "S'okay, but I get to keep thish' here."

"Yeah, keep it," Holly agreed. She tried to clear her head and think coherently. It was difficult and she soon gave up. All she wanted to do was find out what was going on upstairs; that was harmless, wasn't it? So decided she padded as softly as she could in the direction their hosts had disappeared.

Though the home was spacious she had an easy time finding the three Kaldorei due to the open, airy design. Their voices were hushed but unmistakable. Holly crept along the hallway wall and pressed her ear to the door. To her dismay it eased open a bit. Cringing she ducked low. If they chose to come out she would be found.

Holly had nothing to fear. Inside the room the Sentinels stared in engrossed revulsion at the items Druid Windweaver presented to them.

"Are these…they are corrupted, surely," Relia said.

The Druid nodded. "I sense it as well. The Dwarves of the Remtravel Excavation Site uncovered them, but not before they showed at least part of their true nature. When the Dwarves slept nearby the ancient Golems they were unearthing became animated. The monstrosities attacked the camp and sought out these medallions single-mindedly. Two Dwarves fell in the attack. The others fled here and are quite leery of continuing with the items. Nonetheless they are items of power and must be guarded. The Dwarven excavators were adamant they be sent to Ironforge. I am attempting to sway them into allowing us to see them to Stormwind."

"Stormwind?" Illestre asked. "May I ask why that particular city?"

"The humans have more knowledge of the arcane than we Kaldorei, and more than the Dwarves." Windweaver ran a thumb over the medallion's tarnished surface. "We stopped delving into such magic long ago."

"Azshara," Relia agreed. "Our magic is of the forest, of nature. Still, I understand that Stormwind houses many warlocks as well. Do you worry these items might fall into their hands?"

"Indeed, but those who practice magic drawn from the Twisting Nether are not sanctioned or even unofficially pardoned. Those who choose the darker path are not operating with the blessing of Stormwind's authorities."

Relia shook her head. "It does not matter. The simple fact is that there are far less dark practitioners in our lands than those of the Eastern Kingdoms. They would be safer here."

"This is true, Sentinel, but none of our people can properly investigate the power held by these medallions. The humans will provide a good excuse for your journey to Stormwind. You will keep these secret and deliver them to Archmage Tervosh upon your arrival. This is your commission."

Holly had seen enough. Clearly the shiny disks the Druid was waving about were important. Holly knew the best way to stay alive was to know absolutely nothing important of any sort. Holly slithered down the hall and down the stairs to Maria. She had some faking to do.

They passed the bottle back and forth. Sprawled out on the hard, clean lined furniture of the Druid's home, they were quite a sight when the Sentinels and the Druid reappeared.

Relia glared at them. "I do hope you two have enjoyed your indulgence." She pulled Holly up and briefly considered carrying her dead-man style over the shoulder. With her luck the human girl would probably vomit down her back. Instead she set her on her feet. "I will not carry you. If you intend to behave so appallingly then you will walk yourself as would an adult. Can you manage?"

Holly, not understanding a word but knowing that the Sentinel was angry, swayed slightly to imitate being completely sloshed. "I'm jus' gonna follow you," she slurred, poking a finger at Relia. Ish' tha' okay?"

Relia gritted her teeth and turned to Thundris. "We will take our leave now, friend. Thank you for you hospitality despite this…childishness." Humans! Honestly!

Holly woke to the worst breath humanly imaginable being expelled in regular intervals into her face. Cracking one eye, she found Maria curled up next to her in the bed. Grimacing, she rolled Maria onto her stomach. There. Let her melt the sheets with her skank-breath.

Speaking of which…Holly had not brushed her teeth and the wine consumed the previous evening was busily forming sentient societies in her mouth. Ick. She sat up, rubbed her eyes, and fell clumsily out of bed. Aside from the fact that she was in Azeroth it felt like a typical morning. All that was missing was the thumping bass music of their dorm suitemate.

How to go about getting water? The stone-and-wood water basin along the right wall was bone dry. Bully for the lack of running water. She schlepped to the door, hearing the wood underfoot creak. She opened the door and eased her head out to look about. "Eh, hello? Ishnu-allah? Water? Agua?"

Not a soul stirred. She realized why immediately upon seeing the heavy purple drapery pulled across the wide windows; it was daylight. The night elves were nocturnal. Ergo, if she wanted water she would have to find it herself. Where was that Moonwell here in Auberdine, she wondered, and how sacrilegious would it be if she took a quick bath in it? Considering the Kaldorei believed their goddess slept in the wells during the day she guessed it would earn her a lot of sharp objects in uncomfortable places.

If she looked at it reasonably the whole situation was like visiting a foreign country. She didn't know the language, the customs and hell, even the people, were strange to her. She needed to rearrange herself and stop thinking in terms of Western ideals. That meant becoming nocturnal as well. So thinking, she headed back down the hall to her room. Though her teeth were still not cleaned, the impending cavities would be considered later though she shuddered to think what 'dentistry' meant in Azeroth.

"Hol-ee!"

Holly stopped and turned at her name. "Heya?"

Sentinel Illestre smiled at the groggy, disheveled human. It was so easy to forget their preference for sunlight. She motioned to the heavy lacquered pitcher Holly toted. "Follow me. I will show you where to get water. I was going to get a pitcher myself."

Holly dawdled along after the tall night elf, trying to ignore the wretched taste in her mouth and the hangover headache. Thankfully it was not a rager, but she would like an asprin all the same. Luckily she still had a small half-full pill bottle in her hiking pack. Now if only she had some water to down it with…

Illestre glided down a set of stairs and opened a side door to the outside. She laughed at Holly's confused expression. "Yes, you must come," she beckoned. "Did you think I would simply bring you water? You will have to learn to do this on your own. I have my own tasks here, and you will have to look after yourself a bit." Squinting in the harsh light of day the pair set out for the nearby well.

For Holly, the entire ordeal was nothing short of amazing. These mouth-breathing troglodytes got water out of a well? God, this place was ridiculous. Every time she wanted fresh water she would have to trudge out to a mud hole circled with a low rise of stone and fish it out with a bucket on a rope. How completely surreal. And Maria called _her_ a redneck! To add to the surreal quality of the ordeal the Sentinel still had her glaive secured to her hip. Well, she supposed that had more to do with actually being a warrior, but still.

They had reentered the inn, Illestre's hand still on the doorknob, when wild screaming split the air. Holly goggled around stupidly and Illestre shot off in the direction of the alarm, letting her pitcher fall. Holly grabbed for it in shock and remained where she was.

Illestre, glaive at the ready, followed the screams to Thundris Windweaver's abode. A small crowd gathered, most in sleepwear but still brandishing weapons. Two other Sentinels raced to join her. One called out. "What has happened? What is the trouble?"

"I do not know," Illestre barked. "Be at the ready!" The trio entered and scoured the home quickly. All seemed in place until, following the shrieking, they reached Thundris' bedroom. A village woman, hands still full of clean linens, cowered in a corner. One of Illestre's companions gasped while the others kept their stoic façade. "Get the villager out."

To say Thundris had been murdered did him a grave injustice. He had been tortured brutally. His body had been tied to his bed, restraints at his wrists and ankles secured to the bedposts. An expression of pure agony still lay across his face, contorting it. He had bitten through his own tongue, Illestre noted in horror. Blood covered his torso and bed. Flesh had been peeled from his body.

"Why?" one Sentinel murmured. She shook her head as though to clear it. "Begin questioning the nearest neighbors, the villager who found him, and we need…we need…"

"No one leaves town until the perpetrator is caught," Illestre announced. Where was Relia, anyway? "I will have a villager go for my companion. No griffin or ship leaves the city until we allow it."

One Sentinel scurried off to see after the order. The other nodded, eyes still affixed to the dead man in the bed. "I will…" she cleared her throat. "I will begin questioning possible witnesses. Please excuse me," she turned and fled, one hand pressed to her mouth. Illestre understood; Kaldorei simply did not kill other one another. Other races might, but the horror of it was too great for Kaldorei to surmount, whatever the reason.

She remembered the medallions. The box they had been kept in was not easy to find; Thundris had tucked it behind a quantity of land deeds and assorted parchment. Why had he not had them under guard?

The box was empty. She shivered. Who all had known about the discs?

At the inn, Holly still stood at the side entrance. What the hell was going on? More night elves were running in the direction the screams had come from, though the sound had stopped. At least her sense of self-preservation was intact. She ought to go back to her room, brush her damn teeth, throw Maria on the floor, and get some more sleep. Still, her sense of curiosity was killing her. Survival won out.

As she prepared to go back inside the door flew open. She flew with it, landing on her butt and losing both pitchers in the process. As staying on one's rear here seemed to be a bad idea, she made to stand. A hand entered her field of vision. Looking up she could see that the hand was attached to a very handsome, very concerned human man. "Sorry," she muttered, and allowed him to help her up. She was keenly aware of her unkempt appearance and awful breath. She tried hard to keep in mind that handsome face or no, he was still a primitive mouth-breathing troglodyte

The gentleman smiled weakly. He addressed her in Common speech. "You must go to your room, friend. Something terrible has happened and danger is still present. Are you all right? I apologize for your fall."

Holly understood none of his jabbering but nodded dumbly. "Ah…I'm…um…"

The man seemed to know she was addled. Taking her by the shoulders he guided her into the inn. "Please, how can I help you? Are you injured?"

"I don't speak your language," Holly blurted out quickly. "I'm sorry, but it's totally useless. I just need to get to Stormwind."

He perked up at that. "Stormwind?"

"Yes! Yes, Stormwind! God, anywhere in Stormwind would be so much better than this place! I'd take the Slaughtered Lamb or the Blue Recluse taverns over this!" She sniffled. "And I've never even _played_ a warlock!"

His face went dark and secretive. "Warlock?" Could it be this strange woman was his contact? He had expected…well, someone competent. Though, she could well be employing a well scripted ruse. Those in the service of the Cult of the Damned were taught that true cleverness was the ability to conceal it, but he had just expected something completely different.

"Yeah, warlock. How's that for funny? Kel'Thuzad, you know, Twisting Nether magic, all that garbage." She pulled herself together. "I always played Horde, you know? How ridiculous is that?" At least he couldn't understand her.

Luckily his actions in Windweaver's home had pulled most of the Kaldorei away for the time being. He nodded. "I understand. I will have the medallions in your possession before you leave for Stormwind. See that you speak well of me to Master Var'un. Any good words would be…repaid." He leered at his contact.

Oh, right. She should probably have some kind of male escort. Now he probably thought she was a complete slut. "I'm just gonna go away now, okay? You're turning into a total creep, even if you do have a nice butt in those robes."

He nodded and bowed, making his exit quickly. Holly looked on, bewildered. What the hell had just happened? Were humans every bit as stupid as these Kaldorei? Good Lord, that was it. She was going right back to bed. Hopefully the man had just been an exception. Surely Stormwind wouldn't be as utterly insane as this place.

She winced. To actually get to Stormwind they had a lot of traveling to do, some of which would involve sailing on the seas in a wooden boat. Nothing could possibly be so awful, she decided.

Illestre sat down heavily upon her bed, body exhausted and mind whirling. Druid Windweaver's murder had nearly caused a riot; Kaldorei simply did not kill one another. Such an action was all but unthinkable to their kind. Her training and experience as a Sentinel had always pitted her against outside threats such as Orcs, maddened Moonkin, or beasts. While she had seen her fellow kinsmen and women fall in battle, those who died had never fallen to another Kaldorei.

On top of it all the citizens of Auberdine were in varying states of panic, horror, and outrage. They demanded swift justice and the promise of safety. In Illestre's haste to achieve those goals she had perhaps overstepped her boundaries. She had ordered every foreigner's person and belongings searched for the corrupted medallions, including the human ambassador. His entourage had been livid but the ambassador himself, Dolfen, had been as gracious as, well, as an alderman. He was clearly suited to a life of politics. Her search of his suite of rooms was thorough though respectful and he took it all in stride.

She had carried out the search of the inn and the others had divided up parts of the town. Holly and Maria had clearly known something was tremendously wrong, but the language barrier prevented them from understanding any more. She pitied them; they were in fear and helpless, the threat present and large, but they were utterly mystified at her attempts to inform them of the happenings. Illestre had given up in frustration and only pantomimed that they should stay in their room until she bid them leave. Yes, Maria, that includes the lavatory. Make use of the chamber pot.

Each ship in the harbor had been scoured for stowaways or medallions. Still the perpetrator or any clue eluded the Sentinels, to their great rage. Relia had been particularly infuriated. Illestre knew her partner and Druid Windweaver had been friends for a long while. In fact, Relia was pressing on the search after ordering the remaining Sentinels to rest in rotation. Illestre's turn to patrol would be coming in a few hours; she had better get to sleep.

First, however, Illestre would attend to related matters. She forced her lethargic body to the small writing desk near the window. A few blank rolled sheets of parchment were in a cubby for the use of guests and Illestre certainly had use of them. After a few moments she had settled in to write a letter. Better yet, she corrected, a report; though she would not bother with Archdruid Staghelm, there were other Kaldorei whose opinions differed from his. Some of those dissenters were quite important, namely Tyrande Whisperwind.

Illestre ignored her bone-weariness and poured her observations, thoughts, and concerns into the matter. She would have Sentinel Relia look it over before she sent it, certainly, but would accept no argument on whether or not to send it. It would go to High Priestess Whisperwind with Relia's blessing or no.

Maria slapped a beat against the window, watching the sun go down over the sea. She was hesitant to address the topic with Holly, but she had to. It was not a want, it was need. She bobbed a little to the tune playing in her head, waiting for Holly to take notice.

Holly, oblivious as always, took no heed.

Maria puffed a breath out loudly.

Holly continued to ignore her, stretched out on the bed and staring at the gray wooden ceiling.

"Oh my God, I'm trying to get your attention!" Maria threw her hands out to the side dramatically, fingers pushing back the heavy purple drapery.

"And I'm trying to pretend you're not here." Holly's voice sounded weak.

Maria stared blankly at her for a second. "How rude!"

"Yes, I know. Look, I don't feel good. Go pester somebody else."

"You're sick?" Maria chewed at a hangnail.

"My head hurts and I feel nauseas. I probably spontaneously caught some kind of sexually transmitted disease from just standing next to you-it's not like you give me any kind of personal space or anything. It's possible. So why don't you just scurry along there and let me pretend I'm alone?" Holly rubbed a hand across her stomach. Something had to have been in the water. Please God, she thought suddenly, don't let it be Montezuma's Revenge. Especially not when everyone they were supposed to stay in their rooms, even to use the 'facilities'. The horror of having the trots with only a chamber pot was something she didn't think she nor her dignity could live through. On top of it, Maria was in the room. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to breathe calming breaths.

Maria's mouth worked in indignation. "Sexually transmitted disease! Oh, you probably caught that on your own, you total bitch! I mean, you just act so rudely to people all the time"-

"No, just to you."

"So stop it! Stop taking all of this out on me! I'm not making you suffer! None of this is my fault! It's not my fault we're in Azeroth, and it's not my fault that you're sick!"

"If I piss you off so much and take everything out on you, why are you still talking to me?"

"Well…I have to pee." Maria bounced a little to emphasize her point.

"Okay. You go do that."

"I can't go if you're in here."

"We're not supposed to leave. I'll bury my face in the pillow, if that helps." Holly thought her offer was rather generous.

"Well…I can't use a chamber pot. It's gross. I can't go."

Holly sat up, eyes murderous. "So what do you want me to do? You can't go if I'm around, but you can't use a chamber pot, which is made for that?" She gestured vaguely at the lacquered stone receptacle. "What do you want?"

"I want you to come with me to the latrine."

"That defies…_all_ logic. In no world could that make sense! You just said you couldn't go with me right here! You know what? You're crazy. You're just stark raving, you know that? I can't deal with you."

Maria was near tears. "Please, please! I have to pee! Like, 'it has to be _right now_', kind of need! Just do this one thing for me!"

Holly sighed in defeat. "For the love of God, okay. Let's just be quick, all right? We're not supposed to be out. Something bad happened and Illestre _told_ us"-

"Now, now _now_!" Maria sounded pained and had begun doing a ridiculous jig around the bed. "It pees now or it wets itself!"

Holly swung her legs off the bed and stood up shakily. Her stomach roiled in protest. Maybe going to the latrine wasn't such a bad idea. "Come on." She opened the door and peeked her head out slowly, hoping to simply run to the needed room and be back quickly. She was not sure if the Sentinels forbade everyone from venturing forth or just them. Either way she did not want to be caught, even for such innocuous reasons.

Down the hall, the lone human darted for the contact's room, hands laden with the medallions. His estimation for her went up a notch; she had exited the room to allow him to place the items in her pack without her present, helping to avoid suspicion. It increased his risk as well; should he be caught, it would seem that he was attempting to plant evidence on the woman. No matter, he would simply not be caught.

The room was rapidly darkening as the sun set. In the waning light he searched for the packs and to his dismay found two. Well, he supposed his contact could sort that out. He bent low and placed the medallions flat in the bottom of the pack and laid a swathe of thick, dark cloth over them. Wary of the time he hastily sewed the cloth down, lamenting his poor sewing skills. No matter. It was only a pretense to aid his contact better hide the items.

Work finished and relieved, he slipped from the room. His contact would see to the rest, and he would earn his share of the praise.

"Mari-ha!" Relia's voice made the two human girls jump.

Maria nibbled her lip and rubbed the back of her neck. They were caught for sure. "Hi! Sorry; we had to pee." She pointed at the latrine meaningfully. She was at least happy they were caught returning from the latrine, their own business taken care of.

Holly turned to glare at Maria. "You _douchebag_," she muttered. "I told you."

"If it wasn't for you and your taking of _forever_ we would've been back by now! And I _hate_ that word, don't call me that!"

Relia was not appeased. "I cannot believe you have disobeyed me! How much dishonor must you bring upon yourselves! Your rooms have already been searched, thankfully, but you still bring suspicion upon yourselves for disobeying direct orders from a Sentinel!" She ground her teeth, trying to remember that the foolish humans probably did not understand the severity of the situation nor her words. "I will escort you back." She pointed up the stairs and kept the stern expression on her face.

Relia frog-marched the errant duo back to their room. "Do _not_ leave this room until further advised," she bid, waggling a finger at them for emphasis. "We leave for Stormwind in two day's time. Do you understand? Stormwind? Two days?" She held up two fingers and repeated the information again.

The pair nodded, eyes still huge from the surprise of being caught. "Two something," Holly agreed. "Sure, got it."

"I think she said Stormwind, idiot," Maria corrected. "We're leaving for Stormwind in two days, something like that."

Relia shut the door clopped down the stairs.

"That's not good," Holly moaned, clutching her stomach and tossing herself across the bed.

"Why? I've been sailing; it's fun." Maria bounced next to her, looking for all the world rather excited about the venture.

"This isn't sailing like on the bay or something, this is real sailing in a wooden boat across a huge ocean. This will suck in ways only an experienced porn star could understand. I'm talking about suckage on a global level. You'll see. You know, you really must have slept through history classes. Did you know Columbus' crew ended up eating shoe leather when they were lost and all their food ran out? How does that sound?"

"Like you're worrying over nothing. I think it'll be fine."

"Yeah, because everything is safe and cheery in Azeroth, what with all the plague, murder, monsters, and chaos," Holly snapped. "I'm telling you, this is going to be a nightmare."


End file.
